MEN BLEED TOO!
Mark was 20 years old when it happened. In his 2nd year of study at the University, he was known for being loud, social, and always having a smile for everyone. Mark was the kind of person people couldn’t help but get drawn to. If you'd asked any of his friends, they'd have told you that Mark never had bad days, he was always happy. He excelled in all he did and was usually among the best students in his class. His dedication and talent in sports also led to him being chosen the captain of the football team. He was someone everyone envied: strong, dependable and intelligent. He was simply untouchable. Unfortunately, all that changed one night.
One of Mark’s teammates was hosting a birthday party and as was custom, the entire football team was invited. It was a party like any other; lots of laughter, music, dancing, food and of course lots of drinks. Everyone was having fun. A guy Mark didn’t know approached a little later into the night, asking him for help moving something heavy upstairs. Mark didn’t think twice, he went to help. Upstairs, the door closed behind him. The lock fell into place. That’s when he saw the other two men in the room. He froze. As they approached, he put up a fight, but he was greatly outnumbered.
In that room that night, with the noise of the party downstairs masking his struggles, Mark lost something he didn’t know he was protecting. And when it was all over, he bled.
He bled in silence.
He bled in guilt.
But most of all, he bled in shame. And no one noticed. He questioned whether it was his fault, wondered whether something about him made him a target, whether anyone would believe him. Did that even count as assault? He was a man. Who would believe a man could be assaulted? The memories of that fateful night haunted him for months, a wound so deep he couldn’t voice devouring him from the inside out . When he finally decided to talk about it to a friend, his friend laughed, dismissing it: “What do you mean a guy? Such things don’t happen to real men.” That laughter hurt more than he could comprehend.
That was the first and last time he opened up. Mark isolated himself even further, becoming a shadow of the usually vibrant person he used to be. His grades dropped in class, he stopped attending football practice, he no longer hang out with his friends. He was haunted daily by the memories of the injustice done to him, and each night, he woke up drenched in sweat. He bled more and more, the trauma a constant reminder of the injustice done to him. Who would ever believe him?
It wasn’t until Mark found a survivor’s forum online that he began to understand. He wasn’t alone. He wasn’t to blame. The stories he encountered mirrored his pain, and he realized he wasn’t weak. That was the first stitch to his bleeding wound, a step forward. He sought therapy, and then a community of survivors. Mark slowly regained his courage and started to speak out for what society deemed shameful; male sexual assault.
Men bleed too. Sexual assault doesn’t care about gender. Studies suggest that about 1 in 6 men have been sexually assaulted. However, men are less likely to report incidences of sexual assault as compared to females. Because of this, most incidences go unreported. But what causes this? It’s simply society’s perception of it. There is usually a lot of stigma and fear surrounding the subject. Despite the perpetrators mostly being men, women can also sexually assault men. Most people believe that men assaulted by their fellow men are gay. Others on the other hand feel that a man that has been assaulted is weak. It is even worse when a man has been assaulted by a lady, because the idea is that he has to be aroused for that to happen. And if the man is aroused, then of course it cannot be assault. That is a severely misinformed conclusion. Sexual assault is when a man is forced to take part in any sexual act with a man or a woman, that they did not consent to, even if they did not resist or fight back at the time.
Sexual assault can happen to men at any age. Whether children, teens or adults. Someone might wonder, why didn’t the victim fight off their assailant? Especially for the victims who are adults? Well, it is not uncommon for people to freeze during the incident due to shock or fear for their own life. It is a common trauma response. The assailants are usually people who are seeking to control their victim, express their anger, or seeking to hurt someone. These incidences usually leave the victim questioning their sexuality, especially when done by a fellow man. It is even more worrying and shameful for them if they become physically aroused during the attack. However, the victim should remember that that is a physical reaction they have no control over; its a reflex action. In addition to that, even if the victim was under the influence during the attack, that does not justify it.
Immediately a man has been sexually assaulted, be it rape or any other form of sexual assault, they should seek medical attention and find a safe place. They should also consider reporting to the police, so that whoever is responsible can be arrested. However, if the person is not comfortable reporting the matter, they can still seek medical care.
The healing process is usually long, especially if the victim does not have a trusted person they can talk to. In such instances, it is important to seek therapy, or a support group of people who have gone through the same ordeal. This will help them come to terms with the attack, and over time, slowly heal.
Mark’s story is not rare, it is just rarely spoken of. If he had the right support, his healing process would have started earlier. However, despite the odds, he took the bold step, however small it was, to reclaim his life. He is still healing. Some days are harder than others, but he pushes forward. Now, he knows his voice matters. His pain is valid. And by speaking out, others like him gain the courage to talk about their pain. Too many men bleed in silence, and it is about time we changed that. Because men bleed too. And its about time the world stopped pretending they don’t. Because Together We Act, United We Change.
By Jackline Omongo
RHNK Youth Advocate.
